Domani lo scrivo (Gonna write it down tomorrow)

    LANDLADY - You're using the wrong can opener. That's the one I use for the cat food - THAT one over there is the can opener for people. STUPID LODGER - ...uh, I'm pretty sure I've seen you use THIS very one to open a common can of tuna. LANDLADY - Yes, and I was feeding it to the cat [stupid lodger]!

STUPID LODGER - Yesterday I had to use the tumble dryer for my clothes, as it rained all day. LANDLADY - Were you short of clothes? STUPID LODGER - Oh no, I obviously had plenty of clean dry clothes in my room ...I just enjoyed doing the laundry, just for fun, you know... LANDLADY - Read a book, if you get bored. Anyway, you don't use the tumble dryer this time of the year [stupid lodger].

  LANDLADY - ...all food scraps go into that small bin near the sink , and don't mix 'em with kitchen paper as you did last time. STUPID LODGER - Why not? In my Country paper towels are considered humid waste, just  as food LANDLADY - In this Country a paper towel is still paper, and it goes with paper scrap. STUPID LODGER - Uh ...OK then. LANDLADY - ...and when the small bin is full, chuck everything in the big brown recycle bin, in the backyard. Is that all clear? STUPID LODGER - Yes, I guess so. LANDLADY - But remember: you can't throw food just like that, you have to wrap it first in an old newspaper. Is that clear? STUPID LODGER - Er... in a what ? LANDLADY - Do you even understand what I'm saying [stupid lodger]?

LANDLADY - You're gonna have a bitter coffee tomorrow morning. STUPID LODGER - I beg your pardon? LANDLADY - Yes, 'cos you bought Caster Sugar instead of normal Granulated sugar! STUPID LODGER - uh ...and that's not good for sweetening coffees? LANDLADY - Noo ...That's for making cakes [stupid lodger]!    

“What does it mean ‘You can’t go in’? Is that a joke?” “I cannot let you in. Seriously.” “What’s the matter with you, man? Why wouldn’t you let me in? Do I need an invitation? Is it a private party?” “It’s not a private party but, I cannot let you in. “ “Oh, I see… is it because I don’t drive one of those super-equipped ultra-luxury liners? I’ve only got a Vauxhall but you’re more like the Bentley type, eh? You classist!”  “I’m not classist. But you can NOT go inside …Sir.” “Then it must be the colour of my skin, innit? What? Me face too ‘pale’ for yer Club? So, you racist, eh!?” “Believe me, the colour of your skin is irrelevant, Sir. Nevertheless... you CANNOT attend this party!”  “Stop saying it, for God’s sake! Just for once, give us a sensible answer: Why-Can-I-Not-Go-In?” “Because you are naked. Sir.”